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The Question List
Twelve questions to ask before the next decision about a parent's care. Most families do not know to ask them until after it costs something.
Are they admitted, or under observation?
Ask in those exact words. The two can look identical from a hospital bed, but they are billed differently, and the difference can decide whether Medicare helps pay for rehab afterward.
Who is allowed to speak for them?
A power of attorney and a health care proxy, signed and in your hands, not somewhere in a drawer. Find out before the night you need them.
What do they actually want?
Ask them while they can answer. Not what you would want for them. What they want, in their own words.
What will this cost, and what is covered?
Ask for it in writing before anything is signed. If nobody can answer, that is an answer.
Who is my one person to call?
A name and a direct number. Not a main line. Somebody who knows this patient.
What is the plan for when they leave?
Discharge planning should start on day one, not the morning they go home. Ask who is responsible for each piece.
What are they taking, and what changed?
Keep one current list of every medication, dose, and reason. Bring it to every appointment and every admission.
Is the house ready for them?
Hospital beds, oxygen, and walkers change a home. Ask the equipment company what is coming, who sets it up, and who to call when it breaks.
How do they treat people when family is not there?
Visit at different times of day, including mealtimes and shift changes. Watch how staff talk to residents.
Who is taking care of the caregiver?
If the answer is nobody, that is the first problem to solve. Decide now what you can carry and for how long.
What is the plan if things get worse?
It is the hardest conversation and the kindest one. Ask about advance directives and what comfort care would look like, before a crisis makes the choice for you.
What would I ask if I were not afraid to?
You are allowed to push back, ask twice, and ask for a second opinion. Good people do it every day.
This list is meant to start a conversation, not replace advice from a doctor, a lawyer, or a Medicare counselor. For more plain-language help on each of these, start with Aging With Honor.
agingwithhonor.com